New year's resolutions anyone?

Hmmm I have to make a list and stick to it. :P
I'll try to make them top priority.

let's see....

I promise I'll try to:

1. Study harder (for my own good not just cos SPM's next year)
2. Work out more (Yeee...mooscles)
3. Cut down on clicking jokes (owkay? lol ;)
4. Eat less pan mee (not really possible)
5. Walk my dog more (yea he's getting fat :P)
6. Finish school projects and pass them up at their assigned deadlines (I'm serious)
7. Complete all my homework (I'm still serious)
8. Improve my musical skills
9. Spend as much time possible with you :)

and finally,

10. Update more often.

Any other suggestions?
Comment or say something in da chatbox.

Happy New Year's everyone!

These are memories I can't help but cherish.

I'm going to miss that smile.

I'm missing you already.

And I won't stop looking at that empty place where you used to be.
Yet I'm still wondering how I'm going to go on without you here.
It doesn't hurt so much now, even though you're gone.
Cos I know I will see you again.
Even if I have to wait a long time.
Its worth it.
Seeing your smile.

"Distance means so little when someone means so much."
:)

I will be here.

These songs.
The both of them.
Describe so much how I feel about you and you're leaving.

:)
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll still be here when you get back.
I'll wait for you.





You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you.

I should be the happiest guy in the world.

But I'm not.

I can't even bear the thought of thinking of you leaving.

However,

Last night was special.

It's one of those rare moments in time where time doesn't matter.

You just want to cherish every moment.

I know initially I was complaining that I wish that it could have been more special,
But thinking about it now,
Whatever happened last night,
The events that led up to it,
I would not have had it any other way.

If that's gonna be the last time I see in a long time, I don't think my heart would be able to bear with that prospect.

Damn it.

Why are you so amazing?

I've never fallen so hard before.

What happened last night,

It just makes you're leaving so much more harder.

Happiest day of my life.

My heart was racing.
I was stammering a little.
Okay maybe not a little.
A lot.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have realized someone like you would feel the same way about me.
Somehow I think I'm falling for you.
You're my missing card,
The piece that's been missing all this while.

Yet even though I think I'm falling for you,
There's a part of me that's holding back.
A part of me that's holding back my every being from showing you how much I feel for you.
I want that part of me to shut up.
To just realize what's standing right there in front of me is real.
To realize that you're probably the best thing to happen to me in a really long time.

My heart's somehow just bracing itself in case anything were to happen.
Maybe that's just a fail safe I somehow created a long time ago.
To prevent major breakdowns.
But as I think again.
Someone once said,

By realizing it can be lost, only then can you truly love it.

I wish you'd stay just a little longer.
But you can't.
So I tell myself now.
Instead of moping and being down about the time we can't spend together,
I should cherish every waking moment I spend with you.

Now I know I'm not losing my mind.
My heart's just opening itself up to you.

I need a photoshop tutorial asap.

Calvin if you're reading this I need your help :P.

Anyone else care to help?

The play's in a few more days!


Updates coming soon.

Not sure how much longer I can wait.

Its been 11 years.

11 years since the day you drew your last breath.
11 years since the day you left me wondering about life and death.
11 years to the day you left us to go home.

Thanks Gran.

Your life taught me and my mom to teach me to shape me into the person I am today.
Your passing taught me how to deal with pain I never experience before.

Your life was a testament to me Gran.

I just wish I knew more about you.

Visiting your final resting place today.

Has it been that long?

Wow.

I can still vividly remember the red roses, the sad faces
and a little grandson of yours looking down into your final resting place thinking about life and death.

We all miss you Gran.

Wish you could've seen all we turned out to be.

I bet you are though.

:')

Do me a favor Gran, say hi to Gramps for me even though I never met him, and maybe say hi to my dad's dad up there will you?

Thanks. :)

A different kind of pain.

Why am I finding pain where I'm not supposed to?
I'm not talking to you because we all need time from each other no?
If we're going to make this friendship ever work again,
You have to understand what I'm going through.
And I have to understand what you're going through.



I'm sorry.



I know that doesn't help make me any less of an asshole towards you,
but I hope somehow you'll forgive me.
And I'm not faking about anything.
I never was.
Whatever we had, special or not, I actually wanted it to grow, but it didn't.
That's something regrettable.

I hope you understand.

I miss Teenstreet.

But that's not the only thing I miss.

There's something I'm going to miss much more than Teenstreet.

Why doesn't it hurt as much as I thought it would?

Maybe its just cos I'm a little numb.

But you made me feel something I haven't felt in a really long time.

The sheer joy of being near most of the time is just immediately replaced by the thought that you're leaving soon.
The imminent fact that you won't be here much longer.
It kills me every time I think about it.
Its kills me even more that you don't know.

Yet I still want to cherish every moment spent with you, thinking about you
And its almost as if you're haunting me
Because I close my eyes and you're there.

A part of me keeps saying that it won't work out.
That I'll only end up breaking my heart yet again.

But another part of me says that we were destined to meet.
The things that led up to how we met.
Ever since I met you, I've changed.

Maybe right now my body's trying to tell myself not to overexert myself with thoughts of infatuation and stuff like that.
Maybe that's one of the reasons even though my heart is screaming at my every being to tell you how I feel.
Because I might end up picking up the pieces again.

I know deep down I'm sad, but I'm suppressing it.
I'm trying so hard to find a way to work around all the obstacles.
But I keep hitting dead ends.

And I ask myself again.
Why?
Why?
Why?

Why am I so blind as to see God let me meet you?
Why am I holding back?
Why is it so hard for me to look you in eyes and tell you how I really feel?

When I do tell you, I hope you feel the same way too.
I fear so much that my world would come crashing down.
Or someone might beat me to it.
I have to do it.



Or I'll never forgive myself.

HAPPY BELATED BIIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!!
Yea went for her part today...
It was,
Interesting....
Anyways Ash, hope you like the present...

Aiyooo Sherwin's leaving for Melbourne tomorrow which leaves my band short of one more person to practice with...-.-
But on the other hand I'm going out with some TeenStreet friends tomorrow!
And I think we're gonna have ice cream....
More posts soon.

And thus another chapter ends.

But another begins.

Shangri-La gig is today...I wonder if I should bring the camera?

I guess I will.

Expect some posts later on the gig.

And I'm leaving again....

:(

For camp....

Updates coming later la...

The pieces don't fit anymore.

Yea I'm finally blogging again.

Well it finally came down to this huh?

Somehow, I just don't know why.

It does not hurt.

Maybe all this time I never really opened up to you.

Or maybe just not enough.

Cos if I did, maybe all you would've found was a wall.

Something I forgot I created a long time ago.

To keep me from falling apart again.

I apologize. To you and myself.
To you because I lied too.
All the words I ever wrote, they weren't really meant for you.
At one point I really wished they were, but they just aren't.
No matter how much I wanted.

And to myself, for thinking that I actually did something right this time.

Truth be told, I was just never sure.

But thanks anyway.
I hope you understand.
This doesn't mean goodbye.
It just means see you next time.

Wow. Time does fly by fast.

I was just sitting around the other day while I was still in Perth.
Sure two of my three cousins were annoying the living brown stuff outta me.
But then I realized that I was going to miss Perth a little.
But I realized I missed more things at home.
I missed some people.
Then I thought about it for awhile.
Its almost the end of the year.
A lot of things happened this year that I really did not expect to happen.
Good or bad.

Seems like just yesterday I was sitting in class joking around with either my cina boy gang and Naim.
Seems like just yesterday it was a new year.
It feels like I was just collecting ang pau yesterday.

I'm cherishing every moment.
Even as I speak.
Because we have such a false sense of time.
We all can't wait to grow up, to go into the adult world.
Before you know it you'll wish you were a kid again.
Maybe in the next 10-20 years, if this blog still exists by then,
I'll be looking at this post.
And I'll be laughing at the picture above.

Don't ever lose sight of what you have.
That's why some people say live like there's no tommorow.
Because it might be gone tommorow.

I have many things. Many memories.
But I truly cherish a few of them.
And you're one of them

I'm leaving now. Will you miss me? -.-

Leaving for the perth soon.
Waiting in LCCT.
Noticing that my laptop has a bit of trouble connecting with the wi-fi here.
Okay let's see.
Clothes, check.
Toiletries, check.
Swimming trunks, check.
Passport, check.
Money, check.

I think I'm all set.
Had a little trouble at home just now.
But at least its settled now la.
Well, I'll keep you faithful readers updated.
My mom says we're going to a farm for the first three days of our trip.
You know, those country farms, with the livestock, the veggies, the works.
Oh did I mention I got a present from my mom's good friend Aunty Caroline yesterday?
Guess what it is.
Just guess.
Give up?

not 100, not 200,
but 300 sing dollars.
Yea I know.

Well I promise to take pix all the way.
See you all when I get back!

I'm leaving on a jetplane.

I'm going to be leaving for Australia in like urm...
16 hours?
And its already my birthday.
Pretty funny huh?
I'm 16 and I'm leaving for Australia in 16 hours.
And since its going to be about a 5 hour flight,
So I guess I'm not going to be doing much.
I can't play cards with the younger bro.
I guess looking out the dark window would make me a little emo.
So I guess I'll try to stay up now.
So tommorow I'll be sleepy, then I can sleep on the plane!

But I don't think that'll work.
Cos thinking of you would just keep me awake.
But thinking of you would make me wonder.

I can't think straight right now.

Happy birthday to the blogger of this blogging blog.

Went out last Sunday the 9th to celebrate.

Yay.
We went to Friday's. Even though it was a Sunday.
Ashley, her friend Shannen, Zhenchi, Sapawi, Eshton, and William (my friend) came.
Originally 14 people were supposed to come.
Yea.
Well to those who didn't come, you're not getting off that easy.
Actually you are.
lol.
Anyway here are the pix
Had a cuppa while waiting for people to arrive.
And then, there were two.
William came next.
And then Zhen Chi.

We were waiting for Ashley and Shannen to get their drinks.
They brought in a cup from Burger King. They even went out and came back in after getting refills.
Stoning while waiting for Esh and Sap to come.
And so they did.
The terrible two. Haha.
Zhenchi's burger which came in 10 seconds, finished in 10 minutes.
See what I mean?

Eshton's Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad.

My Jack Daniel's Grilled Beef Burger. It rocks.

Boneless Chicken Wings.
Zhenchi - "It tastes weird."
Eshton - "Hey its not easy to make."

Sap's chicken thing. Lol.

The pictures says it all.
Candid.
So was this one.
Then we had a group photo. Well a two group photos actually.
Yea I know. Haha.
And then, the cake came.
First came the stabbing of the cake.
Lol Cakegasm. You don't wanna know.
What is it with girls and cake?



Thanks for the presents guys.
You made this blogger very very very happy.
Haiz.
Leaving for Australia tommorow.
Don't worry I'll keep you faithful readers updated.
And I'm not done packing yet.
Amazing no?

Are you gonna miss me when I'm gone???

Signing in here for a moment.

Just chilling at starbucks at 1u.

Waiting for the others to come.

Pretty funny though, my friends throwing me a small party but I'm the one who shows up first.

And oh look!

Two other people just canceled.

A little dissapointed though.

Half of the original people I invited aren't showing up.

Stupid rambutan. (inside joke)

An update's coming soon well later la at night.

Yes chin wern I will post up pics.

signing off for now, your favorite blogger,

-Bk-

I got tagged.

Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you. (Original answers in brackets!)
i) Your name?
A code word for the word 'bitch' often used by fans of the band Panic at the Disco who are sometimes not able to say swear words without getting the shit beaten out of them by their parents. (Brendon)

ii) Your age?
The age of sexual consent in most cool countries. Also,an age of large responsibility as many of lifes decisions are made at this age. (16)

iii) One of your friends?
Also known as the Calvinator, this male is a good example of a hard-working overachiever. Past times include: tennis, girls, tennis, and girls. (Calvin)

iv) What should you be doing?
a mystical kind of magic which sends u to an alternate plane of existence in which the magical gremlins give u pro plus (sleeping)

v) Favorite color?
A color widely defined as the absence of light. (Black)

vi) Hometown?
The country where education is very highly politicised. Also a country where Malays are literaly spoonfed from their moment of their birth up to their deaths. Even if you are the no.1 student in Malaysia,you won't get a place in a public university of your choice if you are not a Malay. A Malay can beat you to the seat even if he's a freakin' retard.That is guaranteed.Friendly? Yes. Non-racist? Not always so. (Malaysia)

vii) Month of your birthday?
code word used to describe a black person instead of saying the "n" word (november)

viii) Last person you talked to?
The meaning of this name is not known for certain but it is possibly related to the Old Celtic element bre meaning "hill", or by extension "high, noble". (Brian)

ix) What did you last eat?
An orgasm, ala the Matrix Reloaded. (chocolate cake)

x) Your nickname?
Burger King (Bk)

I tag :
Shayne

Yih Ling

Ebony

have fun. X)

Why does it feel so confusing now?

Firstly, apologies to Calvin (cough cough rambutan) and Chin Wern for not completing the other two tagged posts.

Cos I decided I'd emo a little bit first.

My connection was slow so I was a bit lazy at the time to upload the pictures.

Anyways, lately its just a weird feeling.

I feel maybe, just maybe, a little off.

Like something's not right.

I try so hard to open my mouth to say something but when I actually do,

I realize I'm miles away from you.

Most of the people I know can't wait to leave high school and head out to college.

I do too.

But recently you gave me a reason to want to stay in school a little longer.

Why, oh why did it take me so long to even see that you were there?

And now I find myself banging my head on the wall thinking that I'll never even get to say these words to you.

Thinking that you'll never even lay your eyes on the words I'm writing here.

Its beginning to kill me, slowly.

I think the world of you.

But I don't even know you.

I know you want to give your heart to another.

But I just wished you knew that this heart is already yours.

I want so much to tell you how I feel.

Because right now I'm just a hollow shell.

A deck of cards that's one card short.

An empty heart.

I feel empty.

Just one look at you,

and even if for just a moment,

In that moment I feel like I am complete.

Every time I hear a sweet melody play,

I hear your voice echoing in my head.

Right now my life's like a song playing.

But its not complete.

Not yet.

Could you help me complete it?

Could you be the missing verse?

Could you be the missing melody?

Could you be the one?

I hope so.

Happy Halloween!

I know this post is a little irrelevant considering the fact that its past 12.00 a.m. now.

But what the hey.

I wonder whether there ever will be a time where I could go trick-or-treating.

Funny thought huh?

Imagine a 17-year old in celebrating halloween in 2009 dressed up as...um.

Use your imagination.

A gundam?

A gundam pilot?

Anyways I haven't signed in the past few days so I forgot to wish my two favorite fakais.

Happy belated birthday to Choon Hon and Cher Haow!

For those of you who don't know, they share the same birthdate and same initials.

How nice huh, born to be best buds?

Anyways happy belated to one of my oldest buds, Wei Lun!

First friend I made when I was Form 1.

Well because back then we used to go in the same car.

Sei winnie.

Now don ride the bus with me.

Anyways Happy Belated to all three of you!

I feel like posting some emo shit later... :P

Fallen from Grace

Its finally here.
Here you go readers, the advertisement/invite to SLS's very Christ Clan's Christmas play,
Fallen from Grace.

Click on the image for a larger one.
Be sure to keep your datebooks open as its on the 26th and 27th of December.
Oh one more thing I almost forgot.
I hear they're getting this cute Chinese teenager who likes to write on this blog
to play the main character.
lol.
Invites are gonna be printed soon and passed out by the CC's in public or in schools by yours truly. :)




More updates on the play coming soon.

Eyes in the sky.

Watched Eagle Eye today with Sherwin.

Wow. Just noticed its been ages since I last watched a movie.

And exams are on thursday. How great are we teenagers?

And I'm going out tomorrow again.

Yip E.

But meeting up with a few old friends.

Expect some camwhoring in tomorrow's post.

Still thinking about you. Wherever you are.

As I sit here thinking of you, some things came to mind.

I was just sitting here with my thoughts.

And a lot of things came to mind.

A lot of things.

A lot of things involving you.

A lot of things involving you and me.

I have this feeling in my heart right now,

It feels familliar but at the same time its unsure.

I don't know you yet,

And I can't even say you're a sure bet.

But the feeling keeps bugging me.

I know it'll go away.

But I don't know when.

But the thing is, I don't want it to go away.

I like this feeling.

You could almost say I love this feeling.

Because it reminds me of you.

Even if it does go away,

I want it to be replaced with another feeling.

A deeper one.

A permanent one.

Through all the pain and stuff I've gone through,

I'm beginning to think that you were the missing pieces all this while.

When I see you, a part of me feels whole.

It feels right.

At the moment, its one of the very few things that do make sense to me.

But summing it all up it hurts a little.

Because only so much can be said,

Yet so little can be heard.

I want to know you.

I want to know more about you.

I want to be there for you.

I hope you let me.

The week is finally over...

Let the week end,

And let the stoning begin.

Oh thank God the week's coming to an end.

At least I studied....

Anyways, Sunday is the day where I can really just have a little fun.

The best part about going to church is the part where I can just chill with the youth cell.

You know, jam a little...have a few inside jokes here and there.

And what happened in the past has left me questioning some things.

Its been 3 years since we first started.

We started with about 10 people.

Now we have 12.

(forgive the next few lines if you're not into religion)

As Peter 1 2:9 said, we are a chosen generation.

I want to see that chosen generation in our church, oh so badly, worshipping our God.

I dunno, maybe I'm just getting a little sick and tired of the fact that we talk about most things like bringing new people into the church, but we almost never put those plans into action.

Maybe I'm just looking for a little revival.

I mean, in the past few months, I've been left questioning my own faith a little.

Take for example, the two youth services we had.

The first only had 3 people come.

And I especially felt dissapointed when we had only 25% more people show up for the next one.

Maybe God's trying to tell me something.

Maybe He's saying to me,

"Get off your ass and go out there and do what I created you to do."

I want to see God's people saved.

I want to see my friends saved,

all of them.

Besides that, the church is organizing a Christmas play which'll be on, urm, Boxing day and the day after. So like for those of you who are reading right now, stay posted for updates on it.

It's gonna be big.

The title of the play is called,

Fallen from grace.

-Bk-

Blogging from my bed.

Yay I can blog from my bed.
Anyways, Chin Wern, Calvin, Kida, and Ming Chal came over today for a study group.
Before that we went to Padang Kota for a little grub.
Cher Haow tagged along.
And I almost got hit by a car. And I was laughing while the guy was cursing.
Wtf right?
Anyways it didn't hit me until while I was waiting for the murtabak to arrive on my plate that I was that close to being hit by that car.
Anyways, lesson learned. Don't cross a street if you just got off a bus and you're stoned.
The second we got to my house, we got straight to the books.
Calvin lost part of his voice explaining Lembaran Kerja to Kida and Ming Chal, so I stepped in ( cue heroic music )
As I was saying, we got to the books, and we got some things done, but we spent 2/3rds of the entire time we were at my house just chilling or eating popcorn.
Anyways, after they left, it was pretty stoned.
And so I had dinner, which sucked.
And then Skype failed me.
Pretty uneventful day huh?










Besides,
maybe there was just too much on my mind when I was crossing the road.

Like a bone I'm so breakable.

Its been a long week.
Too long.
A lot of emoing, waking up stoned, and urm, a LOT of dog hugging.
Don't ask :P.
And right now I'm sitting at the computer stoning again and my mind's blank.
I actually wanted to write about something interesting.
But I lost it..... -.-
oh-oh-oh ! My dad bought a wireless router!
-.-'

You like???
Up to 54 mbps.....
I think...

All about my dog.

I watched this movie today with my dog.
I had no idea how touching it was.
And it was just sitting there on the coffee table for so long.
And it was raining today.
So check out this clip from the movie.
And you'll see why I shed some tears...:P

A poem to rule them all.

Has yet to come.
However here's one for the really emo, such as myself. :'( lol.
Well its not so much a poem.
More like words woven together to speak to you personally and generally.

If you don’t love someone anymore,
Please let go,
And let someone else have a chance to love.

If the one you love has let go of you
Please don’t keep holding on,
Let yourself have a chance to love someone else.

Some things, no matter how much you like, they will never belong to you.

Some things, no matter how long you keep it, in the end you will have to let go.

There are many kinds of life on earth.
But don’t let your life hurt you.

Some things are just destined to be let go of.
Some things are just destined not to have a happy ending.

Loving someone, you don’t have to “have(things)”
But “having(a person)”, you have to love with all you got.

Guys cry because they really love.
Girls cry because they really let go.

-------------------------------------

If being honest is hurting,
I’d choose to lie.

If lying is hurting,
I’d choose to avoid.

If avoiding is hurting,
I’d choose to leave forever.

Leaving is painful
But would I rather stay?

Losing someone is painful,
But am I willing to give my everything to be with you?


But who can I pour out all this pain to?
The sky?
The rain?
The mirror?

A lot of the things that you do when your in love only begin to make sense when all's said and done.
When you're in love, you go through a lot of painful things.
But it could all be worth nothing with a call of the telephone.





We all have one life.


So before I forget,
Could you help me remember what living was about?
Could you help me remember what I am living for?
Could you help me remember who I am living for?
Could you help me remember man's ultimate purpose?











"To love and be loved."





Credits to:
The girl that gave Cher Haow the poem.
Cher Haow for translating the poem.
And Brendon for editing and placing the finishing touches on the poem.
Finally to the readers who are actually reading the entire poem.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERWIN!!!!

Happy sweet sixteen man!
Lol.
Hope you get better soon!
The faster the better, so we can jam. : )

Embracing the fact that this is my life.

Have you ever wondered?

Why we were put here on this earth?
Why we were placed where we live?
Why we were placed in our families?
Why we are human?
Why we meet the people we meet?
Why we do the things we do?

Its simple.


Destiny.


God placed us where we are now for a reason.
Every reason has a purpose.
Without purpose most things cease to exist.
Yet why do most of us either fight to avoid our destiny, or even mistake something to be our true purpose?

Again the answer is simple.


Destiny.


Its most likely God made you this way, questioning your purpose or even fighting against it.
All so you could truly understand the meaning of your true purpose as something greater.
"What is our purpose in general?" most may ask.
To exist.
That would have to be the most general answer anyone can think of.
But one should never ever, ever, ever ask someone else about one's own purpose.
I remember doing that once.
I asked myself and I think I asked God.
I don't think I got an answer.
But I think slowly, over the years, I began to find out what it was.
I still am.
Maybe one of the reasons was so I could meet you.
Maybe one of the reasons I met you was so my heart could be either put back together or broken by you.
Either way, every action has a reaction.
Right now I'm just waiting for the latter.

I was just thinking.

Waking up today was hard. Really hard.
But I still woke up.
And the second I woke up I was exactly RM 106.70 ringgit poorer.
Thanks to some overdue fees for music books to my music teacher. Thanks a lot teach.
And then I had some pretty spicy beef rendang for breakfast with not one, not two, but four pieces of toast along with some scrambled eggs and um one slice of ham.
How do I keep myself fit you may ask? -.-'
Let's see, I spend my time walking home from the bus station, walking around pointlessly, playing the piano quickly, and playing the drums. Not to mention typing on the ol' keyboard.
Today wasn't all bad. Did I mention I got my results for my grade 5 theory exam?
With the type of preparation I had, my teacher thought I was gonna fail for sure.
Well guess what. I DIDN'T! Instead, I got a merit.
That's pretty good. Its just one level below a distinction.
Besides that today, went out with mumsie (why am I calling her mumsie? -.-'') to go shopping for groceries and to eat lunch.
Had Dave's DeliYum. Had the 1/4 roast chicken with mash, carrots and gravy. Unfortunately, I didn't bring the camera with me. Moving on, while shopping for groceries, I bumped into Shayne Especkerman. Those of you who are reading this blog that might've gone to YAC 2006, you'd definitely know who he is. For those of you who don't he's an old friend from camp.
Then I had to go put the goods in the car boot while mum went to Zara.
And then a woman drving a car mistook me for a guy who drives cos I was holding the keys to my mum's car and there was no one else around.
She f***ing winked at me~!.....ewww (no I'm joking. But an old woman did it to me once while I was working at pasti's.....ewww.)
Long story short, reached home, dumped the groceries there but by then a massive rainstorm seemed to be brewing. And we were right. Its been a long time since it rained that heavily in Kota Damansara. Anyways I got a haircut and now I'm using my friend's comp to blog.
Ahak...
And tommorow I have to play the drums for church......arh.........
But its gonna be oh so fun. If I just don't remind myself that I'm playing with people three times my age.

I've been standing here all this time.

If you're too blind to see that,
its alright.
I've always thought of you as something new,
something different.
But at the same time I thought you were just like the rest.
But I always expected you to prove me wrong.
You almost did.
Almost.
Funny word no?
Kind of like halfway there.
We did not even go near halfway there.
After what you've done that's more obvious than blood on a white wall,
You come out of the blue and act like nothing ever happened.
You even ask me if you're bothering me.

I used to think it was the other way around.










How stupid of me.

I'm getting the butterflies. Again. (someone pass the bugspray.)

It feels a little different.
I'm trying to understand what this feeling is.
Maybe its what I think it is.
Maybe its not.
But somehow I can't help but feel.
I found my missing card.
It was there all along.
But at the same time, you're so near yet so far.

Its just what I'm feeling right now.
But its feels like all the other times.
They all ended in the cards having to be reshuffled.



I have a feeling you're different.

Why is it so hard to understand you?

Why do you make things so hard to understand?
Why do you make things difficult?
Why do you stay stagnant?
Why did you say and do things to me that made me feel different?
Why did you make it seem like there was something there in the first place?
Why are you doing this to me again?
Why the hell am I even turning my mind inside out over you?

Because I used to think it was worth twisting and turning over you.
Because no one's ever really made me feel this way.
Because I am who I am.
And you were part of the process that has molded me.

That's why its so hard for me to understand.
Understand why the feelings I once had for you are now gone.

Guess who's back.

The desktop is back.
Finally.
Now I can get back to blogging.

Well pasti's job has long been over, and I went for Eric's sister's wedding.
Which was a shitload of fun.
If could've been mountains of fun if it had a few other elements.
Well pics are coming soon. As soon as I figure out photobucket.

But something just bummed me out a little while I was up there.
I actually didn't think it would bother me so much but it just did.
It made me question a lot of things about myself.
Well, on Sunday I got home.
And it was pretty stoned. No wait, pretty stoned would not do the state of mind I had at that moment justice.
Too stoned is the right sentence.
And when I got back, I just realized all the shit that had already begun to flood back in.
Well housework I can handle, but exams right after the holidays?
What the fuchsia?
Anyways, today I went to school on a wing and a prayer.
Cos I slept pretty darned early on Sunday morning while I still was in Genting.
Ask me why in person.
And among other things, one thing REALLY bugged me.
So I shall express how I felt in the next few lines.
And if you're reading this, I hope you understand what I mean.
Because today was just to stoned.
Too tiring.
Even though I did almost literally nothing.
I was sleeping.
Because I was so damn tired.
So damn tired because I was kept up doing stuff I normally would never do.
But one thing that kept bugging me at the back of my head while I was up there trying to forget what happened earlier by having fun, I realized one thing.
I wasn't having as much fun as I expected to.
You could have made this entire week, heck, the entire month perfect.
But that just had to happen again.
Is it me again?
But lets not go there again. Not that stage again.
For both our sakes.
Because right now, I haven't the slightest clue what's happening.
But I intend to find out.

Bk's blogging goes mobile.

My first post by wi-fi on a laptop.
Teehee.
Older bro's got a new laptop.
His old on just needed a little sprucing up.
So I did it.
And now I can use it. Yay.
Take that Eric...lol you're still using an IBM laptop.

Work has been very very very hard.
But fun.
A customer asked for my name today.
I gave it to him.
He said I conducted a very good service :D
Today makes full house two days in a row.
But today was a little different.
At pasti's today at around 4-5 o'clock, the restaurant was so full we had to open some tables for customers. And I made up 1/3 of the waiters on the floor. And there are 19 tables in pastis.
But overall it was fun. I dunno...just something about f & b that I love so much.
Well signing out, coming back soon.







More thought provoking posts coming your way soon.

I'm online. For the moment.

I really really really wanted to go out with someone today.

But cannot.
Cue the kantoi music.
Wek wek wek.
Well, stoned for most of the day.
And some random thoughts came to mind.
So here goes.

If you've heard this one before, stop reading.
People say you don't love someone the same way twice.
I personally know that.
But ever given thought about the third time?
It gets complicated.
It feels a little. Weird that's all.
Its definetly not the same as the first time.
Oh come on don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
The increase in heartrate when you talk to her.
The uncontrollable mumbling and studdering.
The unstoppable sweating.
The dilating pupils.
Everything.
You know there are somethings you could break but it can always be fixed back.
A perfect example would be the heart.
One thing most of us should have noticed by now is that no matter how bad the damage, we can always pick up the pieces eventually and move on.
Maybe a few scars and bruises here and there but you still move on.
But what happens when the heart breaks, you try to fix it, but there's just a piece missing?
What happens when you think you've fixed, maybe even made it better,
its fails you in most aspects?
Think of it this way.
A heart broken so many times, its lost all of its feeling.
Well, almost lost all of its feeling.
Number of people I know like this?
1.

Maybe it would be easier to understand completely if I just put it in my point of view.
In retrospect, I can pick up all the pieces, maybe I already have.
But there are some pieces missing.
Maybe you're the missing pieces.
The pieces to replace the older bad ones.
The right pieces.
The perfect pieces.
but...
There's always a but, a maybe, or a what if.
Trust me I'm a pro at this.
But maybe you're not everything I'm hoping for.
But if there's one thing that's brought me this far,
I'd have to say,
is hope.
I'm just not sure of myself even right now.
I'm not even sure of anything right now.
I used to be so sure I was in love with you.
Now I'm not even sure if I am.
Maybe I just need time.
You know, to work things out.
Because right now I'm not even most of the things I should be.






But that doesn't mean I stopped hoping.

Accountability.

Ever wonder how friendships begin?
They first begin by two people having possible mutual interests and both hope to gain something from each other because of those mutual interests.

How do friendships grow?
By the sharing of personal information between two friends.
This in turn creates trust.

How do friendships become close?
By the sharing of certain special experiences in life between friends.
Be they good or bad.

How do friendships deteriorate?
I'm not too sure...Maybe its because of sharing of personal information with other people besides two close friends.
Maybe an event where something out of the ordinary may occur and thus both parties suffer.

You know what?
Maybe its distance.
Maybe its time.
Maybe its both.
But at the same time, accountability is one of the most important things you need in a friendship.
Knowing you can trust one another with your secrets and problems and trust that your friends can disclose theirs in you.
There never had or has to be secrets between close friends.


Let me be frank.
I'm not sure who you are.
But thanks for being there.
And there's no need for aliases.

Its just over-rated sometimes.

Here's a random thought for you.

Anyone here ever thought that most of the time, movies where the guy always and I mean, ALWAYS gets the girl, or vice versa, you being the person that has never really experienced mutual love feel like, "Oh how I wish I was that person," feel that the movie instead of being a love movie is just right down depressing?
Anyone?
Or am I the only one here with those thoughts in mind?

Ever wonder how some people are able to go throughout their lives without ever knowing what it was to feel loved?
And of course there are many types of love.
There's the parent-child type of love,
there's the best friend type of love,
and of course, lets not forget there's love coming down from above.

Someone once said, the greatest happiness in a anyone's life would be to love and be loved in return.
Sadly for some, that's just not possible.
Maybe they were fated for that,
Maybe they just missed their chance,
Maybe they didn't get their chance,

Anyone ever watch the Holiday before?
Great script.
Great soundtrack and music.
Even greater message.
Most of us as teenagers should have at least ONCE experienced one-sided love.
Maybe more than once.
It just hurts no?
And we just keep convincing ourselves into waiting a little longer in the hopes that maybe,
just maybe, something might happen.
Yet in the end nothing happens.
I can't totally describe the message the movie bring but just watch it.

Anyways, besides movies,
it just hit me recently.
One of my friends has been down in the dumps for too long over a girl.
So then I ask him, ever had any history with her?
None, he replied.
But yet he still mourned over the fact that he might never be with her.
The most he's ever done was say hi if he ever bumped into her.
There's a moral in here,
Saying, if you want something, especially if that something is love,
Don't sit on your ass weeping about how love is not going to come your way,
Cos its already there, just waiting for YOU to come to it.

And here's another message for you readers (if you've actually read all the way so far without any visual aids)
If you've got a broken arm, then brace it.
If you've got a broken heart, then face it.
Its never easy. Especially if its been broken one too many times by the same person.
So just pick up the pieces. Sitting on your ass wondering what the hell happened won't change a thing.
If its meant to be, its meant to be.


Well, for those of you who've made it to the end of this post, thanks.
Part of this post might not have made sense, but hey it was just what was on mind.
But one last note on a broken heart.
Sometimes, a broken heart ain't all that bad.
In a way it refines you.
Maybe you might find another, maybe you might find yourself with same same.
Whichever way it goes,
If you love someone, just go for it.
You never know what tomorrow brings.
Relish in the moment.






More posts like this? Comment pls.

Ever blogged in someone else's house before?

It feels like a Sunday.
Only problem I'm not in church and its not a Sunday.
And I'm sitting in someone else's house at someone else's computer.
And I'm hungry.
Nothing much new.
Hows about an update?


Been thinking about a lot of stuff lately...
A LOT of stuff.
Cos like recently, a friend of mine left for London for studies.
And she's not coming back for nine months.
And even though we weren't close, now there's one less person to stone or hang out with at her aunty's house.
So on the trip home yesterday after her farewell party, I started to think.
And question myself.
Like you ever think about the time we're spending now?
I mean the time we're spending as teenagers.
I mean, I'm only 16, the age where I'm supposed to be enjoying life before SPM.
But instead I'm thinking ahead to the time after SPM.
Its most likely half the people I know will be parting ways with me.
Its just a sudden sad feeling.
I mean even if its just goodbye for now, see you soon,
its still a goodbye.
And like sometimes you might even be able to say goodbye.
Then I started to think what life would be like without some of my closest friends.
For instance,
What would life be like without the occasional chit chat with Catherine during moral?
What would life be like without discussing Pokemon with Jerry whilst the Dutch lady's teaching?
What would life be like without jamming with Sherwin and the gang?
What would life be like without my cina-boy row and our jokes?
What would life be like without my youth cell and our weekly time together?
What would life be like without Eric, Yih Ling, Cher Haow, Choon Hon, Desmond, Calvin, Joee, or all the other people?
I tell you what.
Empty.
So now I learn. Slowly.
To cherish every waking second you spend with your friends cos you never know what tomorrow holds.
One of my closest friends already left. I know how I reacted.
I'm not sure how I'd react if any of the above left.
Now I'm just thinking how life would be like for them if I left?
Just wondering.






More posts coming soon. :)

Shiver. brr.

First schooling day without a maid.
Holding up pretty good, considering I clean up my own stuff and my own clothes.
But schoolwork's piling up. Too much in fact.
I have been neglecting my work.
Woodwork for one.
Paperwork for another.
And music work.
Finding it a little hard lately to play.
Once the passion was right there sitting next to you whilst you played and moved your fingers so quickly.
Then one day it just disappeared.
I wonder why.
Lack of inspiration? Lack of practice?
A little bit of both.
Anyways tried doing woodwork in school.
and the end result is:
Nice no? I have such a knack for woodwork I know. But I haven't made any chips yet or any woodworking for the matter.
And another end result, a nice just over 1 cm gash on my thumb.

Open your eyes.

Long day. Very long day.




Had orchestra practice today. We didn't do much.









Came home tired.










And found out my maid ran away.






Typical.

Trying hard to read the fine print when the answer's in the capital letters.

Another update shall we?
Aiks last night worked out like crazy.
Try not exercising that much for like a month then suddenly do push-ups and sit ups out of the blue.
And try not warming up.
Now my entire body's aching. And I kinda dead-slept this afternoon.
Well life's kinda okay right now I guess.
What with all the preparations for the upcoming youth service.
Which by the way has been pushed up to the 27th of September for those of you who are planning on coming. Don't make it like the previous youth service.
-.-

Haven't sung in public for quite a while. I wonder if I'll be able to do it again?
Don't mind this blogger. Random thoughts are bursting out.
Okay gotta go do another 100 push ups and 100 sit ups.
I'll be sleeping tomorrow in my class. I'm the one who surrounded by Chinese guys.
lol. :P

Open up your mind and see like me.

Life's too short to be full of worries. Grab a spoon and enjoy all life has to offer.
"Girls basically want security" quoting from Christ Clan de facto leader, Daniel Wong. :P


I have a good feeling about this week. Somehow.
O.O the mother****er found my blog.
Well they say knowledge comes with age. Right?
I'm 16 and I'm pretty knowledgeable. Right?
Wrong.
At this age, I'm still not at that stage yet. Don't you think so?
Let's make a list shall we?
I'm not:

Financially $table.
That mature. (or even mature for the matter)
Hot.
Done with my secondary studies.
Fluent in more than one language.
Driving a car.

Well okay nuff said about what I'm not.
But here's what I suppose I am:

Planning on getting a job. (financial security no?)
A musician.
A singer.
A best friend.
A brother.
A cousin.
A son.
Growing into maturity. (life's unfolding itself unto me.)
Grooming myself. lol.
Almost done with my secondary studies.
A person who thinks out loud in the words he writes.
Waiting till I'm done with school so I can learn how to drive.

This is me.
I don't need pictures to describe who I am.
I felt like writing something like this. And something just hit me really hard in the back of the head this morning.
Wanna know what it is?


We're all thieves one way or another.
(read next post to find out more.)




I'm finally free.
Finally detached.
Emotional abstinence huh?
You have a point there.
Thanks.

Its Sunday morning, rains not falling.

Sheet. Dad woke me up at 8.30. I was supposed to wake up at 8.50.
Plus, he woke me up from downstairs. Meaning, I was in my room, he was downstairs.
Ever heard of the term, "Raise your voice"?
Yeah.
Anyways, a morning update eh? I haven't done that in a while.
Just realized no one's really online on Sunday mornings.
Let's see, how's the week been huh,
I got my hair cut,
I helped my mom bake,
I cooked spaghetti (no more left sorry guys :( )
I ate pan mee,
I had practice for today's worship,
I was appointed the guy who arranges everything for my church's youth service.
Its on September the 20th if you're asking,
Got a few surprises on the way,
And I guess I groomed my dog everyday.
I..hold the phone, dad's calling.
(15 minutes later)
Alright, the day just started off badly.
My dog jumped over into our Malay neighbor's house. And to add to that, he shit there.
Well took me about 5 minutes to solve the problem and 10 for my dad.
Well he wasn't really doing anything much for those 10 minutes.
Just after those 10 minutes he sat on his ass and read the paper while I was chasing the dog.
Ah, love and honour your parents boy, its Sunday.

Anyways, if you're reading this and you know who you are, if you're thinking about writing or have already about written thoughts of me in your blog, keep writing. Its a free country, no one's stopping you. Just so you know. Now I can't feel anything right. Thanks.
And for another someone out there who might be reading this, and you most probably know who you are, about the chat the other day, it got me thinking.
.
So yeah.



Yea. Pretty normal week huh, don't you think?

Long week, short weekend.

Woke up at 10 today. : )
Yawn, still a little sleepy. And its almost 9pm now.
Well finally got the old camera working so I decided to take some pics of lunch.
More like brunch.

I helped to make lunch. lol :P

Beef pie.
Fries.
Nuggets.


Ever heard the term gone in 60 seconds?
Yea. Use your imagination with this type of food involved.




More updates soon.