I'm online. For the moment.

I really really really wanted to go out with someone today.

But cannot.
Cue the kantoi music.
Wek wek wek.
Well, stoned for most of the day.
And some random thoughts came to mind.
So here goes.

If you've heard this one before, stop reading.
People say you don't love someone the same way twice.
I personally know that.
But ever given thought about the third time?
It gets complicated.
It feels a little. Weird that's all.
Its definetly not the same as the first time.
Oh come on don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
The increase in heartrate when you talk to her.
The uncontrollable mumbling and studdering.
The unstoppable sweating.
The dilating pupils.
Everything.
You know there are somethings you could break but it can always be fixed back.
A perfect example would be the heart.
One thing most of us should have noticed by now is that no matter how bad the damage, we can always pick up the pieces eventually and move on.
Maybe a few scars and bruises here and there but you still move on.
But what happens when the heart breaks, you try to fix it, but there's just a piece missing?
What happens when you think you've fixed, maybe even made it better,
its fails you in most aspects?
Think of it this way.
A heart broken so many times, its lost all of its feeling.
Well, almost lost all of its feeling.
Number of people I know like this?
1.

Maybe it would be easier to understand completely if I just put it in my point of view.
In retrospect, I can pick up all the pieces, maybe I already have.
But there are some pieces missing.
Maybe you're the missing pieces.
The pieces to replace the older bad ones.
The right pieces.
The perfect pieces.
but...
There's always a but, a maybe, or a what if.
Trust me I'm a pro at this.
But maybe you're not everything I'm hoping for.
But if there's one thing that's brought me this far,
I'd have to say,
is hope.
I'm just not sure of myself even right now.
I'm not even sure of anything right now.
I used to be so sure I was in love with you.
Now I'm not even sure if I am.
Maybe I just need time.
You know, to work things out.
Because right now I'm not even most of the things I should be.






But that doesn't mean I stopped hoping.