I'm online. For the moment.

I really really really wanted to go out with someone today.

But cannot.
Cue the kantoi music.
Wek wek wek.
Well, stoned for most of the day.
And some random thoughts came to mind.
So here goes.

If you've heard this one before, stop reading.
People say you don't love someone the same way twice.
I personally know that.
But ever given thought about the third time?
It gets complicated.
It feels a little. Weird that's all.
Its definetly not the same as the first time.
Oh come on don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
The increase in heartrate when you talk to her.
The uncontrollable mumbling and studdering.
The unstoppable sweating.
The dilating pupils.
Everything.
You know there are somethings you could break but it can always be fixed back.
A perfect example would be the heart.
One thing most of us should have noticed by now is that no matter how bad the damage, we can always pick up the pieces eventually and move on.
Maybe a few scars and bruises here and there but you still move on.
But what happens when the heart breaks, you try to fix it, but there's just a piece missing?
What happens when you think you've fixed, maybe even made it better,
its fails you in most aspects?
Think of it this way.
A heart broken so many times, its lost all of its feeling.
Well, almost lost all of its feeling.
Number of people I know like this?
1.

Maybe it would be easier to understand completely if I just put it in my point of view.
In retrospect, I can pick up all the pieces, maybe I already have.
But there are some pieces missing.
Maybe you're the missing pieces.
The pieces to replace the older bad ones.
The right pieces.
The perfect pieces.
but...
There's always a but, a maybe, or a what if.
Trust me I'm a pro at this.
But maybe you're not everything I'm hoping for.
But if there's one thing that's brought me this far,
I'd have to say,
is hope.
I'm just not sure of myself even right now.
I'm not even sure of anything right now.
I used to be so sure I was in love with you.
Now I'm not even sure if I am.
Maybe I just need time.
You know, to work things out.
Because right now I'm not even most of the things I should be.






But that doesn't mean I stopped hoping.

Accountability.

Ever wonder how friendships begin?
They first begin by two people having possible mutual interests and both hope to gain something from each other because of those mutual interests.

How do friendships grow?
By the sharing of personal information between two friends.
This in turn creates trust.

How do friendships become close?
By the sharing of certain special experiences in life between friends.
Be they good or bad.

How do friendships deteriorate?
I'm not too sure...Maybe its because of sharing of personal information with other people besides two close friends.
Maybe an event where something out of the ordinary may occur and thus both parties suffer.

You know what?
Maybe its distance.
Maybe its time.
Maybe its both.
But at the same time, accountability is one of the most important things you need in a friendship.
Knowing you can trust one another with your secrets and problems and trust that your friends can disclose theirs in you.
There never had or has to be secrets between close friends.


Let me be frank.
I'm not sure who you are.
But thanks for being there.
And there's no need for aliases.

Its just over-rated sometimes.

Here's a random thought for you.

Anyone here ever thought that most of the time, movies where the guy always and I mean, ALWAYS gets the girl, or vice versa, you being the person that has never really experienced mutual love feel like, "Oh how I wish I was that person," feel that the movie instead of being a love movie is just right down depressing?
Anyone?
Or am I the only one here with those thoughts in mind?

Ever wonder how some people are able to go throughout their lives without ever knowing what it was to feel loved?
And of course there are many types of love.
There's the parent-child type of love,
there's the best friend type of love,
and of course, lets not forget there's love coming down from above.

Someone once said, the greatest happiness in a anyone's life would be to love and be loved in return.
Sadly for some, that's just not possible.
Maybe they were fated for that,
Maybe they just missed their chance,
Maybe they didn't get their chance,

Anyone ever watch the Holiday before?
Great script.
Great soundtrack and music.
Even greater message.
Most of us as teenagers should have at least ONCE experienced one-sided love.
Maybe more than once.
It just hurts no?
And we just keep convincing ourselves into waiting a little longer in the hopes that maybe,
just maybe, something might happen.
Yet in the end nothing happens.
I can't totally describe the message the movie bring but just watch it.

Anyways, besides movies,
it just hit me recently.
One of my friends has been down in the dumps for too long over a girl.
So then I ask him, ever had any history with her?
None, he replied.
But yet he still mourned over the fact that he might never be with her.
The most he's ever done was say hi if he ever bumped into her.
There's a moral in here,
Saying, if you want something, especially if that something is love,
Don't sit on your ass weeping about how love is not going to come your way,
Cos its already there, just waiting for YOU to come to it.

And here's another message for you readers (if you've actually read all the way so far without any visual aids)
If you've got a broken arm, then brace it.
If you've got a broken heart, then face it.
Its never easy. Especially if its been broken one too many times by the same person.
So just pick up the pieces. Sitting on your ass wondering what the hell happened won't change a thing.
If its meant to be, its meant to be.


Well, for those of you who've made it to the end of this post, thanks.
Part of this post might not have made sense, but hey it was just what was on mind.
But one last note on a broken heart.
Sometimes, a broken heart ain't all that bad.
In a way it refines you.
Maybe you might find another, maybe you might find yourself with same same.
Whichever way it goes,
If you love someone, just go for it.
You never know what tomorrow brings.
Relish in the moment.






More posts like this? Comment pls.

Ever blogged in someone else's house before?

It feels like a Sunday.
Only problem I'm not in church and its not a Sunday.
And I'm sitting in someone else's house at someone else's computer.
And I'm hungry.
Nothing much new.
Hows about an update?


Been thinking about a lot of stuff lately...
A LOT of stuff.
Cos like recently, a friend of mine left for London for studies.
And she's not coming back for nine months.
And even though we weren't close, now there's one less person to stone or hang out with at her aunty's house.
So on the trip home yesterday after her farewell party, I started to think.
And question myself.
Like you ever think about the time we're spending now?
I mean the time we're spending as teenagers.
I mean, I'm only 16, the age where I'm supposed to be enjoying life before SPM.
But instead I'm thinking ahead to the time after SPM.
Its most likely half the people I know will be parting ways with me.
Its just a sudden sad feeling.
I mean even if its just goodbye for now, see you soon,
its still a goodbye.
And like sometimes you might even be able to say goodbye.
Then I started to think what life would be like without some of my closest friends.
For instance,
What would life be like without the occasional chit chat with Catherine during moral?
What would life be like without discussing Pokemon with Jerry whilst the Dutch lady's teaching?
What would life be like without jamming with Sherwin and the gang?
What would life be like without my cina-boy row and our jokes?
What would life be like without my youth cell and our weekly time together?
What would life be like without Eric, Yih Ling, Cher Haow, Choon Hon, Desmond, Calvin, Joee, or all the other people?
I tell you what.
Empty.
So now I learn. Slowly.
To cherish every waking second you spend with your friends cos you never know what tomorrow holds.
One of my closest friends already left. I know how I reacted.
I'm not sure how I'd react if any of the above left.
Now I'm just thinking how life would be like for them if I left?
Just wondering.






More posts coming soon. :)

Shiver. brr.

First schooling day without a maid.
Holding up pretty good, considering I clean up my own stuff and my own clothes.
But schoolwork's piling up. Too much in fact.
I have been neglecting my work.
Woodwork for one.
Paperwork for another.
And music work.
Finding it a little hard lately to play.
Once the passion was right there sitting next to you whilst you played and moved your fingers so quickly.
Then one day it just disappeared.
I wonder why.
Lack of inspiration? Lack of practice?
A little bit of both.
Anyways tried doing woodwork in school.
and the end result is:
Nice no? I have such a knack for woodwork I know. But I haven't made any chips yet or any woodworking for the matter.
And another end result, a nice just over 1 cm gash on my thumb.

Open your eyes.

Long day. Very long day.




Had orchestra practice today. We didn't do much.









Came home tired.










And found out my maid ran away.






Typical.

Trying hard to read the fine print when the answer's in the capital letters.

Another update shall we?
Aiks last night worked out like crazy.
Try not exercising that much for like a month then suddenly do push-ups and sit ups out of the blue.
And try not warming up.
Now my entire body's aching. And I kinda dead-slept this afternoon.
Well life's kinda okay right now I guess.
What with all the preparations for the upcoming youth service.
Which by the way has been pushed up to the 27th of September for those of you who are planning on coming. Don't make it like the previous youth service.
-.-

Haven't sung in public for quite a while. I wonder if I'll be able to do it again?
Don't mind this blogger. Random thoughts are bursting out.
Okay gotta go do another 100 push ups and 100 sit ups.
I'll be sleeping tomorrow in my class. I'm the one who surrounded by Chinese guys.
lol. :P

Open up your mind and see like me.

Life's too short to be full of worries. Grab a spoon and enjoy all life has to offer.
"Girls basically want security" quoting from Christ Clan de facto leader, Daniel Wong. :P


I have a good feeling about this week. Somehow.
O.O the mother****er found my blog.
Well they say knowledge comes with age. Right?
I'm 16 and I'm pretty knowledgeable. Right?
Wrong.
At this age, I'm still not at that stage yet. Don't you think so?
Let's make a list shall we?
I'm not:

Financially $table.
That mature. (or even mature for the matter)
Hot.
Done with my secondary studies.
Fluent in more than one language.
Driving a car.

Well okay nuff said about what I'm not.
But here's what I suppose I am:

Planning on getting a job. (financial security no?)
A musician.
A singer.
A best friend.
A brother.
A cousin.
A son.
Growing into maturity. (life's unfolding itself unto me.)
Grooming myself. lol.
Almost done with my secondary studies.
A person who thinks out loud in the words he writes.
Waiting till I'm done with school so I can learn how to drive.

This is me.
I don't need pictures to describe who I am.
I felt like writing something like this. And something just hit me really hard in the back of the head this morning.
Wanna know what it is?


We're all thieves one way or another.
(read next post to find out more.)




I'm finally free.
Finally detached.
Emotional abstinence huh?
You have a point there.
Thanks.

Its Sunday morning, rains not falling.

Sheet. Dad woke me up at 8.30. I was supposed to wake up at 8.50.
Plus, he woke me up from downstairs. Meaning, I was in my room, he was downstairs.
Ever heard of the term, "Raise your voice"?
Yeah.
Anyways, a morning update eh? I haven't done that in a while.
Just realized no one's really online on Sunday mornings.
Let's see, how's the week been huh,
I got my hair cut,
I helped my mom bake,
I cooked spaghetti (no more left sorry guys :( )
I ate pan mee,
I had practice for today's worship,
I was appointed the guy who arranges everything for my church's youth service.
Its on September the 20th if you're asking,
Got a few surprises on the way,
And I guess I groomed my dog everyday.
I..hold the phone, dad's calling.
(15 minutes later)
Alright, the day just started off badly.
My dog jumped over into our Malay neighbor's house. And to add to that, he shit there.
Well took me about 5 minutes to solve the problem and 10 for my dad.
Well he wasn't really doing anything much for those 10 minutes.
Just after those 10 minutes he sat on his ass and read the paper while I was chasing the dog.
Ah, love and honour your parents boy, its Sunday.

Anyways, if you're reading this and you know who you are, if you're thinking about writing or have already about written thoughts of me in your blog, keep writing. Its a free country, no one's stopping you. Just so you know. Now I can't feel anything right. Thanks.
And for another someone out there who might be reading this, and you most probably know who you are, about the chat the other day, it got me thinking.
.
So yeah.



Yea. Pretty normal week huh, don't you think?

Long week, short weekend.

Woke up at 10 today. : )
Yawn, still a little sleepy. And its almost 9pm now.
Well finally got the old camera working so I decided to take some pics of lunch.
More like brunch.

I helped to make lunch. lol :P

Beef pie.
Fries.
Nuggets.


Ever heard the term gone in 60 seconds?
Yea. Use your imagination with this type of food involved.




More updates soon.

It all falls apart and comes together at the same time.

Complicated yet simple no?
When one door closes, another opens




Another long week. And here I was thinking the time after the August holidays was gonna be full of relaxing and maybe some studying. Lol. Definitely more studying is needed.
Well an update shall we?

I've been appointed the Grand Master of Worship arrangements for Christ Clan's Official Youth Service on September the 20th.
Okay the title's not that big, but I'm just in charge of worship.
I'm in charge of arranging the practices and the songs and getting the musicians.
Unfortunately now I have to choose between being the drummer or the worship leader.
Brown stuff.
I'll think of something.
In the meanwhile, I gotta start practicing my singing. Final exam of the vocal class is coming soon.
Maybe I just might post a video of myself singing and post it on my blog.
What do you guys think?
Share your opinions!
If not I put the chatter box on the right for no reason.







But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 1 PeTer 2:9

Its a new month.

Whee...new month people.
A lot of things on my shortlist of things to do this month.
Among them are,

The infamous completion of my moral project
More practice on my piano and drums,
Clean up my room,
Go back to the gym,
Find Eric his birthday present,
Plan my birthday party,
Get my allowance $.$'



Yeap. Anymore suggestions to add to the list?

Anyways, made a trip to the One Academy, and it was kinda fun.
Pics are coming up in the next update.

Redemption.

Hey we all make mistakes don't we?
Come on.
We do.
Always.
But each and every one of us should have a chance to right the wrongs we make.

Wow its been a long week. A really long week. Ah. Let me cut to the chase.

HAPPY MERDEKA!!!!!

How did you spend your merdeka?
I'll make it a point to do the same thing next year what I did this year.
Counting down our country's independence day whilst sitting down at the computer sipping on cold water whilst chatting with friends about ghost stories and Christmas stories.
Don't ask how we sidetracked.
Sad no?
Well the Hungry Ghost Festival should be over now...or maybe I should just ask Eric...
Watched the Love Guru already...
what the f**k...
Justin Timberlake was a little weird in the movie. Especially with the scene where there's a thump on a bed.
Those of you who get to watch it in the near future where nothing's cut, you'll know what I mean.
Leave it to Mike Myers to come up with crazy brown stuff like that.




Well out of most that has happened this week,
I learned one thing that's very important when you make friends.
Wanna know what it is?



Accountability.




More posts coming your way. XD (I still need a camera)