New year's resolutions anyone?

Hmmm I have to make a list and stick to it. :P
I'll try to make them top priority.

let's see....

I promise I'll try to:

1. Study harder (for my own good not just cos SPM's next year)
2. Work out more (Yeee...mooscles)
3. Cut down on clicking jokes (owkay? lol ;)
4. Eat less pan mee (not really possible)
5. Walk my dog more (yea he's getting fat :P)
6. Finish school projects and pass them up at their assigned deadlines (I'm serious)
7. Complete all my homework (I'm still serious)
8. Improve my musical skills
9. Spend as much time possible with you :)

and finally,

10. Update more often.

Any other suggestions?
Comment or say something in da chatbox.

Happy New Year's everyone!

These are memories I can't help but cherish.

I'm going to miss that smile.

I'm missing you already.

And I won't stop looking at that empty place where you used to be.
Yet I'm still wondering how I'm going to go on without you here.
It doesn't hurt so much now, even though you're gone.
Cos I know I will see you again.
Even if I have to wait a long time.
Its worth it.
Seeing your smile.

"Distance means so little when someone means so much."
:)

I will be here.

These songs.
The both of them.
Describe so much how I feel about you and you're leaving.

:)
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll still be here when you get back.
I'll wait for you.





You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you.

I should be the happiest guy in the world.

But I'm not.

I can't even bear the thought of thinking of you leaving.

However,

Last night was special.

It's one of those rare moments in time where time doesn't matter.

You just want to cherish every moment.

I know initially I was complaining that I wish that it could have been more special,
But thinking about it now,
Whatever happened last night,
The events that led up to it,
I would not have had it any other way.

If that's gonna be the last time I see in a long time, I don't think my heart would be able to bear with that prospect.

Damn it.

Why are you so amazing?

I've never fallen so hard before.

What happened last night,

It just makes you're leaving so much more harder.

Happiest day of my life.

My heart was racing.
I was stammering a little.
Okay maybe not a little.
A lot.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have realized someone like you would feel the same way about me.
Somehow I think I'm falling for you.
You're my missing card,
The piece that's been missing all this while.

Yet even though I think I'm falling for you,
There's a part of me that's holding back.
A part of me that's holding back my every being from showing you how much I feel for you.
I want that part of me to shut up.
To just realize what's standing right there in front of me is real.
To realize that you're probably the best thing to happen to me in a really long time.

My heart's somehow just bracing itself in case anything were to happen.
Maybe that's just a fail safe I somehow created a long time ago.
To prevent major breakdowns.
But as I think again.
Someone once said,

By realizing it can be lost, only then can you truly love it.

I wish you'd stay just a little longer.
But you can't.
So I tell myself now.
Instead of moping and being down about the time we can't spend together,
I should cherish every waking moment I spend with you.

Now I know I'm not losing my mind.
My heart's just opening itself up to you.

I need a photoshop tutorial asap.

Calvin if you're reading this I need your help :P.

Anyone else care to help?

The play's in a few more days!


Updates coming soon.

Not sure how much longer I can wait.

Its been 11 years.

11 years since the day you drew your last breath.
11 years since the day you left me wondering about life and death.
11 years to the day you left us to go home.

Thanks Gran.

Your life taught me and my mom to teach me to shape me into the person I am today.
Your passing taught me how to deal with pain I never experience before.

Your life was a testament to me Gran.

I just wish I knew more about you.

Visiting your final resting place today.

Has it been that long?

Wow.

I can still vividly remember the red roses, the sad faces
and a little grandson of yours looking down into your final resting place thinking about life and death.

We all miss you Gran.

Wish you could've seen all we turned out to be.

I bet you are though.

:')

Do me a favor Gran, say hi to Gramps for me even though I never met him, and maybe say hi to my dad's dad up there will you?

Thanks. :)

A different kind of pain.

Why am I finding pain where I'm not supposed to?
I'm not talking to you because we all need time from each other no?
If we're going to make this friendship ever work again,
You have to understand what I'm going through.
And I have to understand what you're going through.



I'm sorry.



I know that doesn't help make me any less of an asshole towards you,
but I hope somehow you'll forgive me.
And I'm not faking about anything.
I never was.
Whatever we had, special or not, I actually wanted it to grow, but it didn't.
That's something regrettable.

I hope you understand.

I miss Teenstreet.

But that's not the only thing I miss.

There's something I'm going to miss much more than Teenstreet.

Why doesn't it hurt as much as I thought it would?

Maybe its just cos I'm a little numb.

But you made me feel something I haven't felt in a really long time.

The sheer joy of being near most of the time is just immediately replaced by the thought that you're leaving soon.
The imminent fact that you won't be here much longer.
It kills me every time I think about it.
Its kills me even more that you don't know.

Yet I still want to cherish every moment spent with you, thinking about you
And its almost as if you're haunting me
Because I close my eyes and you're there.

A part of me keeps saying that it won't work out.
That I'll only end up breaking my heart yet again.

But another part of me says that we were destined to meet.
The things that led up to how we met.
Ever since I met you, I've changed.

Maybe right now my body's trying to tell myself not to overexert myself with thoughts of infatuation and stuff like that.
Maybe that's one of the reasons even though my heart is screaming at my every being to tell you how I feel.
Because I might end up picking up the pieces again.

I know deep down I'm sad, but I'm suppressing it.
I'm trying so hard to find a way to work around all the obstacles.
But I keep hitting dead ends.

And I ask myself again.
Why?
Why?
Why?

Why am I so blind as to see God let me meet you?
Why am I holding back?
Why is it so hard for me to look you in eyes and tell you how I really feel?

When I do tell you, I hope you feel the same way too.
I fear so much that my world would come crashing down.
Or someone might beat me to it.
I have to do it.



Or I'll never forgive myself.

HAPPY BELATED BIIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!!
Yea went for her part today...
It was,
Interesting....
Anyways Ash, hope you like the present...

Aiyooo Sherwin's leaving for Melbourne tomorrow which leaves my band short of one more person to practice with...-.-
But on the other hand I'm going out with some TeenStreet friends tomorrow!
And I think we're gonna have ice cream....
More posts soon.

And thus another chapter ends.

But another begins.

Shangri-La gig is today...I wonder if I should bring the camera?

I guess I will.

Expect some posts later on the gig.

And I'm leaving again....

:(

For camp....

Updates coming later la...

The pieces don't fit anymore.

Yea I'm finally blogging again.

Well it finally came down to this huh?

Somehow, I just don't know why.

It does not hurt.

Maybe all this time I never really opened up to you.

Or maybe just not enough.

Cos if I did, maybe all you would've found was a wall.

Something I forgot I created a long time ago.

To keep me from falling apart again.

I apologize. To you and myself.
To you because I lied too.
All the words I ever wrote, they weren't really meant for you.
At one point I really wished they were, but they just aren't.
No matter how much I wanted.

And to myself, for thinking that I actually did something right this time.

Truth be told, I was just never sure.

But thanks anyway.
I hope you understand.
This doesn't mean goodbye.
It just means see you next time.