I'm online. For the moment.

I really really really wanted to go out with someone today.

But cannot.
Cue the kantoi music.
Wek wek wek.
Well, stoned for most of the day.
And some random thoughts came to mind.
So here goes.

If you've heard this one before, stop reading.
People say you don't love someone the same way twice.
I personally know that.
But ever given thought about the third time?
It gets complicated.
It feels a little. Weird that's all.
Its definetly not the same as the first time.
Oh come on don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
The increase in heartrate when you talk to her.
The uncontrollable mumbling and studdering.
The unstoppable sweating.
The dilating pupils.
Everything.
You know there are somethings you could break but it can always be fixed back.
A perfect example would be the heart.
One thing most of us should have noticed by now is that no matter how bad the damage, we can always pick up the pieces eventually and move on.
Maybe a few scars and bruises here and there but you still move on.
But what happens when the heart breaks, you try to fix it, but there's just a piece missing?
What happens when you think you've fixed, maybe even made it better,
its fails you in most aspects?
Think of it this way.
A heart broken so many times, its lost all of its feeling.
Well, almost lost all of its feeling.
Number of people I know like this?
1.

Maybe it would be easier to understand completely if I just put it in my point of view.
In retrospect, I can pick up all the pieces, maybe I already have.
But there are some pieces missing.
Maybe you're the missing pieces.
The pieces to replace the older bad ones.
The right pieces.
The perfect pieces.
but...
There's always a but, a maybe, or a what if.
Trust me I'm a pro at this.
But maybe you're not everything I'm hoping for.
But if there's one thing that's brought me this far,
I'd have to say,
is hope.
I'm just not sure of myself even right now.
I'm not even sure of anything right now.
I used to be so sure I was in love with you.
Now I'm not even sure if I am.
Maybe I just need time.
You know, to work things out.
Because right now I'm not even most of the things I should be.






But that doesn't mean I stopped hoping.

Accountability.

Ever wonder how friendships begin?
They first begin by two people having possible mutual interests and both hope to gain something from each other because of those mutual interests.

How do friendships grow?
By the sharing of personal information between two friends.
This in turn creates trust.

How do friendships become close?
By the sharing of certain special experiences in life between friends.
Be they good or bad.

How do friendships deteriorate?
I'm not too sure...Maybe its because of sharing of personal information with other people besides two close friends.
Maybe an event where something out of the ordinary may occur and thus both parties suffer.

You know what?
Maybe its distance.
Maybe its time.
Maybe its both.
But at the same time, accountability is one of the most important things you need in a friendship.
Knowing you can trust one another with your secrets and problems and trust that your friends can disclose theirs in you.
There never had or has to be secrets between close friends.


Let me be frank.
I'm not sure who you are.
But thanks for being there.
And there's no need for aliases.

Its just over-rated sometimes.

Here's a random thought for you.

Anyone here ever thought that most of the time, movies where the guy always and I mean, ALWAYS gets the girl, or vice versa, you being the person that has never really experienced mutual love feel like, "Oh how I wish I was that person," feel that the movie instead of being a love movie is just right down depressing?
Anyone?
Or am I the only one here with those thoughts in mind?

Ever wonder how some people are able to go throughout their lives without ever knowing what it was to feel loved?
And of course there are many types of love.
There's the parent-child type of love,
there's the best friend type of love,
and of course, lets not forget there's love coming down from above.

Someone once said, the greatest happiness in a anyone's life would be to love and be loved in return.
Sadly for some, that's just not possible.
Maybe they were fated for that,
Maybe they just missed their chance,
Maybe they didn't get their chance,

Anyone ever watch the Holiday before?
Great script.
Great soundtrack and music.
Even greater message.
Most of us as teenagers should have at least ONCE experienced one-sided love.
Maybe more than once.
It just hurts no?
And we just keep convincing ourselves into waiting a little longer in the hopes that maybe,
just maybe, something might happen.
Yet in the end nothing happens.
I can't totally describe the message the movie bring but just watch it.

Anyways, besides movies,
it just hit me recently.
One of my friends has been down in the dumps for too long over a girl.
So then I ask him, ever had any history with her?
None, he replied.
But yet he still mourned over the fact that he might never be with her.
The most he's ever done was say hi if he ever bumped into her.
There's a moral in here,
Saying, if you want something, especially if that something is love,
Don't sit on your ass weeping about how love is not going to come your way,
Cos its already there, just waiting for YOU to come to it.

And here's another message for you readers (if you've actually read all the way so far without any visual aids)
If you've got a broken arm, then brace it.
If you've got a broken heart, then face it.
Its never easy. Especially if its been broken one too many times by the same person.
So just pick up the pieces. Sitting on your ass wondering what the hell happened won't change a thing.
If its meant to be, its meant to be.


Well, for those of you who've made it to the end of this post, thanks.
Part of this post might not have made sense, but hey it was just what was on mind.
But one last note on a broken heart.
Sometimes, a broken heart ain't all that bad.
In a way it refines you.
Maybe you might find another, maybe you might find yourself with same same.
Whichever way it goes,
If you love someone, just go for it.
You never know what tomorrow brings.
Relish in the moment.






More posts like this? Comment pls.

Ever blogged in someone else's house before?

It feels like a Sunday.
Only problem I'm not in church and its not a Sunday.
And I'm sitting in someone else's house at someone else's computer.
And I'm hungry.
Nothing much new.
Hows about an update?


Been thinking about a lot of stuff lately...
A LOT of stuff.
Cos like recently, a friend of mine left for London for studies.
And she's not coming back for nine months.
And even though we weren't close, now there's one less person to stone or hang out with at her aunty's house.
So on the trip home yesterday after her farewell party, I started to think.
And question myself.
Like you ever think about the time we're spending now?
I mean the time we're spending as teenagers.
I mean, I'm only 16, the age where I'm supposed to be enjoying life before SPM.
But instead I'm thinking ahead to the time after SPM.
Its most likely half the people I know will be parting ways with me.
Its just a sudden sad feeling.
I mean even if its just goodbye for now, see you soon,
its still a goodbye.
And like sometimes you might even be able to say goodbye.
Then I started to think what life would be like without some of my closest friends.
For instance,
What would life be like without the occasional chit chat with Catherine during moral?
What would life be like without discussing Pokemon with Jerry whilst the Dutch lady's teaching?
What would life be like without jamming with Sherwin and the gang?
What would life be like without my cina-boy row and our jokes?
What would life be like without my youth cell and our weekly time together?
What would life be like without Eric, Yih Ling, Cher Haow, Choon Hon, Desmond, Calvin, Joee, or all the other people?
I tell you what.
Empty.
So now I learn. Slowly.
To cherish every waking second you spend with your friends cos you never know what tomorrow holds.
One of my closest friends already left. I know how I reacted.
I'm not sure how I'd react if any of the above left.
Now I'm just thinking how life would be like for them if I left?
Just wondering.






More posts coming soon. :)