Rethinking again.

Lately I've been wondering.
Why did I ever name my blog complete deck?
Or even why my blog title is "Its an endless pursuit"?
I used to remember why I wrote the things I wrote and why I said the things I said.

I've lost sight of that.

I've lost sight of it amidst all the studying, homework, projects, etc. etc.

There used to be a time where most of everything I did, I did it full of enthusiasm and joy.
Now most of everything I do is just, empty.
There's no other way to describe it.

I'm missing something but I'm just not too sure what the hell it is.
It feels like each passing day is just another escape from the fact that I'm running away from what I really need.
It feels like each day I'm quitting my pursuit more and more and more.
And it feels like each day that passes I draw more further away from what I had set my sights on from the beginning.

I've forgotten what that feeling was.
That feeling where everything was complete, everything had purpose, and everything was right.




I hope its not too late to remember again.

-Bk-

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there especially both of mine!
The one on earth and the one above.
Not just another card holiday, not just another day to remember them, but its their day.
So give your dad a hug and a kiss to tell them how much they mean to you!



Its much easier on the wallet trust me.

Wore formally today, with tie and the works. Had to play drums for church. Its the last time I'll be playing for a long time till SPM's over. Had lunch with parents, and the gang at Aunty Caroline's at some seafood restaurant in Klang. No pictures, SD card's with Lixien to finish up the class magazine page....but the food was awesome. Now sitting at home, the weather's killing me, Ruffles is on my lap for the moment, and William came over after lunch to chill. Got some homework to finish....and I'm going to wear a mask tommorow. Someone in Form 2 in SMK Damansara Utama (my school) has been infected with the A H1N1 virus, better known as swine flu. Most likely school might close down. To all my classmates and schoolmates reading this, start practiscing proper hygiene and if possible, wear a protective mask when you go to school. It'll be the new in thing.

-Bk-

A drop of blood.

I couldn't even donate blood today at our school blood drive...=.=
I wanted to at least do one good thing before I leave school but the government denied me that.
All because my birthday's in November thus making me under aged to donate.
Haiz.
Nevermind, at least I now have another reason to come back to school next year.
Was waiting with Dinesh, Roshina and Anissa to get their blood donated.
Waited for so long and yet all three of them did not donate their blood in the end for various reasons.
Dinesh chickened out at the last second, Roshina's blood lacked iron, and Anissa had low blood pressure.
=.=
On a lighter note, congrats to all who donated their blood! Especially Kath, Desmond and Pn. Paramjeet.
You're saving lives people.
Waiting for them to see whether they were eligible to get their blood donated was not all bad though.
Thanks to Pn Anne, I'm going to Sunway Uni College tommorow for a essay writing competition.
Better get myself prepared....





I've been so sleepy lately.

-Bk-

To a friend.

Though you might never read this, I'm going to write it anyway.

Happiness is something we all long for.

Something we as humans are in an endless pursuit for.

Its so elusive and yet no matter how many times we fail to achieve it,
we still want it.

We try to find it in worldly things.

But they're only temporary escapes from the reality that is our life.

We're all searching for something.

Along the way you'll stumble, you'll get bruised, and you'll definitely get scarred.
But they're all lessons we learn.
Why do we fall?
So we can learn how to get up.

But when you finally find whatever it is you're looking for,
the feeling is unparalleled.

No matter how deep the wounds,
no matter how badly hurt you are,
no matter how much shit you'll have to wade through,
you will get through it.

Stay strong.
Because anything's possible if you have faith.

-Bk-

Fight for it.

Stringing these words together wasn't easy, so stick with me on this one okay?

Inspiration's hard to come by these days,
what with the economic downturn making everyone run around in dismay.
I remember there was a time when it just came to me,
like it had been there all the time right inside of me.

But this well's run dry,
waiting for some sort of revival not to pass it by.
I also remember a time,
when I could make almost anything rhyme.

But now all I feel is emptiness,
and no type of distraction can fill this hollowness.
All my life I've been searching,
at some points it felt like all my dreams were merging,
coming true.

But they all turned out to be hard-learned lessons,
trying teach me that what I searched for endlessly only existed in legends.
But I refuse to believe what I hear and see anymore,
Because if I've been searching so long for this elusive person,
maybe I can just wait a little while more.

Because its always darkest before dawn.

Now I can keep myself busy.

Went out with my old friend, Julianna and some of her college friends today to watch 17 again.
I thought it was a chick flick, but damn was it funny.
Lol Julianna was gawking at Zac Efron's body the entire movie.
Haven't really hung out with her in like....4-6years?
It was fun getting to know her again.
Ate at BBQ plaza today...always wanted to go there.
It was......interesting for lack of a better word.


On another note, I'm going to keep myself busy for the next few weeks with this awesome piano piece I found from Yiruma called What Beautiful Stars, I'm going to finish my Seni project, I'm going to complete my holiday homework, I'm going to update all my notebooks, and I'm going to start working out again.
All this for what?
To keep my mind off playing addictive online games.





I've got to throw it all away and start over.

-Bk-

Enjoy it while it lasts...

*Blows dust off blog*

Haven't updated in quite a while have I?
Holidays has been pretty fun and boring at the same time.
Red Hot Nite was awesome! (even though I could hardly see most of the time)
And that's about it for my holidays so far.
Something just hit me hard.
This is our last long holidays before the REAL exams start...shit.
I was reading the newspaper the other day where there was an article talking about abolishing exams like PMR, SPM, STPM and such.
:D
Too bad that's more a fantasy than reality.
Well, no more procrastinating for me!
Starting to study and work out starting tomorrow.
Man this is going to be tough.

-Bk-

And so it begins.

Holidays have already begun.
Number of productive things I've done at home, 0.
Thanks to a few friends and my bro, I'm now hooked on Restaurant City on Facebook.
Great.
Red Hot Nite's happening this Saturday.
Counting on you guys to make it happen. XD

Been pretty weird lately.
Some things have got me wondering, whether the desicions I made in the past were good or bad.
Wondering how the desicions I made in the past affect the outcome of the present.
Stupid Terminator Salvation and its confusing time travel...
Crap.
I've never been more confused in my life.
Bah I'll figure it out somehow.
Sooner or later, I always do.

-Bk-